When You Speak, Do People Listen?
When thinking about what it means to speak in a way that captivates an audience and demands the attention of others, we all have that one scene is a particular movie that comes to mind or a famous speech from a powerful historical figure. These individuals seem to effortlessly call others to action, stirring up powerful emotions within everyone present.
While you will most likely never find yourself leading a charge into battle or delivering a message to thousands of entranced audience members, being able to speak on something and actually be listened to is a fantastic ability. Not only does your ability to do so means your thoughts and opinions are respected, but it also enables you to influence people around you.
In order to possess this asset, however, there are some very specific dos and don’ts that you must keep in mind. Listed below are a handful of these ideas.
Don’t Cry Wolf
Unless you were raised in pretty much complete isolation, you are familiar with the story of the boy who cried wolf. Assuming this is the case, we won’t go into detail about the premise of the story. Much like other children’s tales, this one has a powerful message to be remembered.
If you frequently go around spouting overly dramatic, less than truthful tales or complaining to others about every injustice committed against you, people are going to be far less likely to give you their attention or respect when you speak. Even in a case where you have something truly important to say, it will fall on deaf ears if you have already watered down your credibility beforehand.
In order for other people to listen to you when you speak, make sure that you don’t make a grand ordeal out of everything you have to say. That way, if the wolf is actually coming, others will take you seriously.
Do People Know You Have Their Best Interests At Heart?
Another key thing to remember regarding how sincerely people listen to you has to do with your reputation amongst the audience. Understand that each and every person you are speaking to comes with their own preconceived opinions and perspectives. As a general rule, people are much more inclined to listen to you if they know that you mean them well.
Oftentimes, the most powerful, important messages are controversial and uncomfortably honest. You won’t find many historical accounts of an individual evoking strong emotions in a massive crowd by telling them about last week’s uncharacteristically warm weather.
With that in mind, delivering information that calls people to action or brings a touchy subject to light to an audience that is already skeptical or guarded against you is a risky move.
Before you can gain the respect and attentiveness from other people when you speak, it is important to be confident that they understand you are coming from a place of benevolence and understanding.
By doing so, your audience will realize that, although what you have to say may be uncomfortable or sensitive, you wouldn’t be doing so if it weren’t for the wellbeing of yourself and all those involved.
Speaking With Conviction
If you find yourself in a situation in which you have something important to say and want your message to truly be heard, the level of conviction with which you say it matters enormously. Delivering critical information in an overly timid or brutally casual manner is going to be absorbed by others about as well as something spoken to yourself in an empty car.
If what you have to say is important to you, speak it to others as such. While this might seem like an effortless thing to do when you are truly convicted about a topic, shyness and fear can still prevent it from coming across that way. People can sense when you are vested in the things you talk about. Make sure that your thoughts and emotions are reflected in the way the information is presented.
The 5 Major Signs of Poor Communication Skills
Having poor communication with someone can be very frustrating and can leave you feeling drained or overwhelmed. Let’s examine the major signs and symptoms of just what causes, and leads to, overall poor communication.
Passive Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggressive behavior is a large sign of poor communication. Always undercutting what you are saying or making shaded jokes is not good communication. It is manipulative and childish. It is much better to explain why you are upset or feeling the way that you are, instead of hiding it behind your words or actions.
Acting like you aren’t upset while punishing the person is a great way to be a horrible communicator. If you find yourself in a situation and you realize that you are being passive aggressive, try to take a deep breath and work through it. Think about your words before you say them. Do they have a double meaning? If you need to, ask the person you are talking to if you could have a break to gather yourself.
Silent Treatment
It should be easy to understand why the silent treatment is a sign of poor communication. When you aren’t talking, you are not communicating. It can be very difficult for the person on the other side who is receiving the silent treatment.
They are wanting to talk and communicate but instead, they are receiving nothing in return. It can be easy to get frustrated to the point of not wanting to continue talking. If you need to take a break to gather yourself, that’s fine, but you need to tell the other person. Ask them for a time-out. After that, you should be in a better place to have more positive communication.
Yelling or Screaming
Yelling or screaming is a large part of poor communication. It can be easy for things to get out of hand and for emotions to rise. Suddenly everyone is yelling and no one is having a good time. It can be very hard to de-escalate from situations like this so do your best to not get into them in the first place.
If you do find yourself screaming, the first step is to recognize it. Once you realize you are doing it, stop. Just stop. If you stop, the person you are talking to is likely to stop as well. From that point forward, do your best to not raise your voice again.
Bringing Up Past Mistakes
It is incredibly hard to deal with current issues if you are always bringing up the past. A good communicator can separate a current issue from past ones. They might be connected, but that doesn’t mean that you must talk about the connection.
It can be easy to get caught up in all the mistakes if that is all you are focusing on. Try your best to only worry about one of them at a time as much as you can. This will also help the other individual feel more respected as you are letting the past go.
Disrespectful Nonverbal Behavior
Poor communication goes beyond what is said, it also means your actions. If during a conversation you are constantly not paying attention, rolling your eyes, or being rude and disrespectful, that is poor communication. You are saying that you don’t care enough about the person to even listen to what they have to say. Do your best to be respectful with your words and with your actions when you are communicating with someone.
